26 months recovering from flu and fears

 To you they cried out and were saved; in you they trusted and were not put to shame. For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help. Psalms 22:5; 24

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 1 João 4:16-17

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:16-19

Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you, even at my mother's breast.

From birth I was cast on you; from my mother's womb you have been my God.
 Salmos 22:9-10

This week on Monday our litle girl started to complain a lot ... I do not know how many teeth are growing, because while new teeth begin to emerge, the old are still finishing dawn. She was salivating so much, and the pacifier was sucked furiously.

Her nose was a little runny, and at night she began to get very, very nervous - she seemed to be in great pain. We were very concerned because the only time she had been so agitated was when she had a serious infection at the beginning of the year. I was very nervous and anxious, so about 3:30 am we went to the hospital.

In other times we would have waited a little more, but now we never know when something can be more serious or not. Once there she was in fever, at 38 º C. I was more anxious still, because even with serious infections she rarely has a fever. They did blood and urine tests as well as chest X-ray.

We spent the night in a box in the emergency room of Hospital Sabara and she was gradually calming - she was still busy but took the pacifier and dozed a little. Until collect the tests, the result is ready, and the doctor come talk to us, it was about 9 am. The doctor said the tests were good and she also looked ok, so she did not have to be hospitalized. She recommended Alivium for teeth and inhalation and saline into the nose. She asked me to give her liquid to see if she could drink, and then we came home - until we get out of there, and with traffic, we get home almost 1 pm!

It was a dificult night, very tiring! Grandma Cida was with me, and we were taking turns on because there was only one chair to sit on Vitoria's side. Never felt so sleepy!

Back home, Vitoria would not eat food but accepted a juice. Throughout the day she was getting the flu, on Wednesday she drinked with difficulty. Thursday she was a little better, but with an annoying cough. The cough persists, but she is eating well, despite being very sleepy.

 

I held myself not to go to the ER again because of the flu and cough, I have wondered a thousand things and thinking that she had to take another x-ray and be seen by a doctor again. But I see that she is fine, it's just a flu like she has had on other occasions. We do not need to take her to the hospital all the time, doing and redoing exams. Since late January we already took her two more times to the emergency room for tests because she was a little upset, worried that she was again with urinary tract infection.

Since the last serious admission she had in January I'm feeling very tired physically and emotionally, I realize that little things make me very upset, when normally I would deal with situations more calmly.

 

The way she became ill at other times (October and January), with rapid worsening, and the last time the tests were still masked without accusing infection, and the next day she was going into septic shock - it was very traumatic and difficult. Now every time she starts to complain a little longer I'm worried that it might be starting all over again, and try desperately to be prepared to act quickly and not allow her to feel pain and have to go through treatment as invasive as at other times.

We live with the perspective of losing her since the beginning of pregnancy, and it is not exactly this that scares me most, though, of course, we will never be prepared. But what afflicts me is the perspective of seeing her suffer, and can not help her. Of course, throughout this journey, there is no single step we have taken without the aid of God, and it is only with Him that we will go forward.

We're all pretty tired, and we see that not only her, but we also need to take care of us, go to the doctor, seeking help to accomplish this journey that in recent months has been a little more tiring and stressful.

 

At the same time, our daughter is still so beautiful and beloved here, she inspires cares, and if one hand is tiring, it is also wonderful to take care of her, see her grow, to communicate with us, feel our love and reward in her own unique language, witch we strive to understand and try to translate to those around us. A language that is from beginning to end of love, purity, trust and surrender.

Since the beginning of this journey, we know that we must live one day at a time, and love with all our heart each day as if it were unique.

 

I see my daughter as a precious treasure that God has entrusted to me, and which I must take care with all diligence, with all love, as the more rare and valuable treasure I ever had in my hands. And one day when God call her back, I can tell him, with peace in my heart that I loved her, protected her looked for her life more than by my own life, with all my strength, and trust that then from that moment God will take care of her for me.

I think I now understand better why the apostle Paul said that love is the most important gift and for what we should seek more eagerly. Even when faith falters, when hope is gone, if love still lingers, it is possible to rediscover the faith, to revive hope and move on.

And so we go forward, rebuilding ourselves, recovering from flu and fears, and so we have completed 26 months along with our beloved Vitoria de Cristo, more beautiful, sweeter than ever, more loved, to the glory of God!